AN increasing number of priests and pastors are advising women to stay with violent husbands, according to support groups.

UnitingCare Wesley’s Reverend Peter McDonald said in the past six months there had been an increase in clergy “failing to encourage women to leave”.

“That concerns us because . . . women in violent relationships need to be encouraged to find a safe place,” he said.

“It would be my contention that the marriage vows have already been broken by the male who has been violent.”

Alexandra Bull, UnitingCare Wesley’s Domestic Violence Helpline team manager, said clergy and abusive partners were guilty of perpetuating the idea that you should “stand by your man no matter what”.

“It is a very strong tactic of domestic violence to make women believe that,” Ms Bull said. “It comes from clergy and a whole range of people and it is obviously an unhelpful idea.”

Flinders University theology associate professor Andrew Dutney said he was “shocked” any clergy would tell women to stay in dangerous relationships. He blamed a possible misreading of biblical texts.

“Some Christian traditions read passages about men being the head of the women in a fairly crudely literal way,” he said.

“Most of the mainstream denominations would be careful to be clear that the goal of Christian relationships is a healthy relationship and violence is a sign of poor health in a relationship.”

Dr Dutney said some independent and smaller churches might not be getting the same sort of training as the state’s main church workers in how to deal with domestic violence. The most recent handbook for clergy on how to counsel and support victims of domestic violence was released in 1995 by the SA Heads of Christian Churches.

It says the basic principles are that safety is the first priority, violence is the issue, and violence is the responsibility of the perpetrator.

It is understood the booklet is soon to be updated.

Linda McInnes founded the South Australian-based Australian Domestic Violence Support group after herself being a victim of domestic violence.

She said women should never be encouraged to stay in abusive relationships. “That is absolutely terrible - it’s putting the children more at risk and they can grow up to be abusive themselves,” she said.

“There is help out there if they can get away but it’s a matter of the woman being strong enough and not getting sucked in to go back.”

For confidential counselling, support, information and referrals, call the 24-hour Domestic Helpline on 1800 800 098.

As this website has only been up and running for 6 weeks we are still updating information, the forums will be available for discussion online very shortly, we apologise for any inconvenience.  However, if you need to contact us please use the link provided in the above scroll bar.

AHCS Team

We have recently had conversations with some men that have been in domestic violent relationships, not as the abusers, but as the abused.

There concern was that there is help out there for women that have been subject to domestic violence but nothing for men. We were asked if we could put a forum specifically for men to use on this website.

Therefore, we would like to welcome any men that are being abused to use the Forum specifically designed for them to chat with others in the same boat, vent their frustrations, to post their stories/experiences and hopefully find some guidance.

If there is anything that we can do to help the men in abusive relationships in the forum please dont hesitate to contact us through this website or in the forums.

Hope to see you in there.

ADVS Team

This website was designed for people that are living in Domestic Violent Relationships.

We are a South Australian based organisation who’s aims are solely for the purpose of helping people in domestic violent relationships and whatever illnesses may result as a cause.

Our team has ‘first hand‘ experience in domestic violence situations as the ‘abused’ and ’siblings’ from such relationships.

You may need a place to come to and vent your despair or anger, you may be crying out for help or you may need some direction.

Whichever it is, we are here to help you, if you cant find the information you are looking for on this site, then let us know and we will find it for you.

Don’t live with violence in your life alone, reach out and get the help that you need, you are not alone.

The FORUM on this website is for YOU, the LINKS are for YOU, WE are here for YOU.

Australian Domestic Violence Support (ADVS) Team.

My story starts back between 1979 - 1988 when I was in a Domestic Violent marriage, my ex husband was an injecting drug user (IDU), and throughout the 9 year period we were together he physically beat me up on a regular basis.
The exchange of blood from the beatings is how I contracted Hepatitis C. I was diagnosed in 1999, as Hepatitis C Positive.

If you live in a domestic violent relationship, and you know that your partner has used intravenous drugs, has a tattoo or has had a blood transfusion, then get tested. I recommend that you get tested for Hepatitis C (HCV), Hepatitis B (HBV) and Aids (HIV).

It only takes a small amount of blood to enter your bloodstream for you to become ‘positive’ for hepatitis C.

In 2004, I filed a claim as a ‘victim of crime’ due to domestic violence being the cause of contracting hepatitis C, as well as a ‘broken nose’, ‘post traumatic stress disorder’ and ‘depression’.

I won my claim in 2007, and I was finally JUSTIFIED for the abuse that I was subjected to all those years ago. I was awarded an ‘ex-gratia‘ payment, which means that because the violence/abuse etc happened in the 80s, I was only eligible for compensation for what was set at that time by the Government. It was a ridiculously small amount of money, enough to keep me in vitamins for the next 5 years, but, hey, I won and I was Justified after all this time.

Even though I now live a very low quality of life because of hepatitis C, I can still live a reasonably happier life than before. Don’t even think for a second that I filed the ‘victim of crime’ claim for the money, you couldn’t be more wrong, I wanted JUSTICE.

Ever since the victim of crime issues have been dealt with, and it has been documented what happened to me, and I received JUSTICE for what happened to me, I have been able to let go of the past, I’ve been able to get on with my life, its a remarkable change within myself, one that I cannot describe in writing.

I always knew there was something ‘not quite right’ with my health over the years, always tired, aching bones, nauseus, dizzy, confused type of state of mind, but blood tests etc, didnt pick up on the hep c until I had my Gall Bladder removed in 1999 and my ALT (liver levels) were quite high, so the hospital did a check for hep c.

Between 1999 and 2003 I had a few blood tests that said that my ALT levels were in normal range, were not elevated, so it was assumed that there was no liver damage. Late 2003 I requested a liver biopsy, which to the specialists surprise indicated that I had stage 3 Fibrosis. This is where in my opinion BLOOD TESTS do not tell the whole story, only a liver biopsy can tell you the extent of damage done to the liver. Liver progression goes up in stages every 5 - 7 years.

Ive never injected drugs, I did smoke marijuana, i never shared my toothbrush/razors etc, had no transfusions, transplants or tattoos.

I suffer depression, diabetes (diet controlled), fibromyalgia (body aches and pains), chronic fatigue, nausea, cognitive disfunction (brain fog/confusion), rashes/itching which are all Extra Hepatic conditions.
I have been on anti-depressants which did help me during treatment.

People often question why I stayed in an abusive relationship, well at first you are in LOVE with them, then you think you can CHANGE them.
After a period of time you come to realize that you cant change them, so you try and leave but he wont let you go. When you do get away he makes promises he will change and you give it another try for the sake of the kids. Of course, he doesnt change, and it continues happening againand you become SCARED.
After years of this you fall out of love with them and HATE settles in.
Then comes the part of FEAR, where you try to get away and he wont let you go. Or he hounds you and harrasses you.
You try SHELTERS to hide, get another home, but you keep getting harrassed. Restraining orders are issued, but they dont work.
So, you are stuck, friends cant help, or wont, my family were living in a city, they didnt know what was happening.
Then, one day, you get the guts and leave town, with the kids, at midnight, and get the hell out. The nightmare is over, but you never forget what happened to you, and you live with it for the rest of your life.

Just be aware of what harm comes of violence, where blood to blood contact is made, and you contract hepatitis C, it could happen to anyone that is in any fight at all.

A Policeman contracted Hepatitis C whilst apprehending a criminal, the policeman was punched once in the face, blood was spilt from both (fist to teeth), and the policeman now has hepatitis C: Gastroenterology. 2000 Aug;119(2):507-11.